Once upon a never, I never thought I’d mix myself a healthy smoothie. I mean, chocolate ice-cream & double cream smoothie, with swooshy caramelo and crunchy chocolate flakes yes. But healthy (as in with spinach and cucumber and celery and kale and and and….) never.
And yet, it is 9:30AM on a sunday morning and I am cutting up some apples into cute little quarters. I will throw them into a blender, where they’ll meet up with a cup of almond milk and -finally- passionately make out with the rest of green mush that is filed down as “HEALTHY”. Once this thing is liquified, I will pour my impostor smoothie into a (empty, clean and super desinfected) jam jar. The jar is indispensable for smoothies now a days, in the Instagram tag-for-like generation. You gotta keep the indie vibe going on, people.
So what the fuck happened? I’d like to believe that I’ve matured into a grown up adult (whoop-whoop). The boring kind that thinks what is good or bad for her body and thinks twice before engaging in a tequila shot challenge. But, then again, that would be a big fat lie. Every now and again (like now, right now, again), when no one is looking, I march the green mile…. towards death… A.K.A a cup of hyper-processed, completely artificial salted caramel “yogurt” covered in rainbow sprinkles because I fear my life doesn’t contain enough color.
So this frantic-healthy-motherofgod-crisis HAS to come from somewhere else…. Instagram? Gwenyth Paltrow? The fact that bar tendera at vegan restaurants look so damn hot? They sure are at Flax&Kale…..
While I debate and suffer from an existencial mid-life crisis about “to juice or not to juice, that is the question”, I’ll sip my Green Medicine. Ha!