Bear with me, girls. We’ve ALL had that boyfriend. You know, the one noone really aprooves of. He’s too shy, too short or looks way to much like your ex.
My new boyfriend is called Oatmeal. Oatmeal milk, that is. And noone really aprooves of him. Some say he tastes like water, others find him too sweet, ya know?, while the latter say he looks WAY too much like my ex (Mr. Soya).
Asking “do you serve oatmeal milk for my coffee” at a café is directly proportional to a big, slow (and ouchy) roll of eyes. The kind that spells “PISS OFF YOU POSH INDIE WANNABE”.
But let me show you how great my new boyfriend is. Apart from being sweet, tender and loving (I won’t go down the sex road ’cause, well, there ain’t no sex to report…. Has anyone done it with an oat?! Oh my, oh my….) he’s also:
- Metabolic regulator: So it teaches your tummy when to groan, but also when to shut up ’cause it’s already been fed (slow absorption = releases energy for hours).
- Weight Regulator: If you suffer from overweight, oatmeal beats the hell out of any excess, and if you are underweight, oatmeal is a nice mamma that builds up and protects your insides (SHOUT OUT TO ALL ‘EM MAMAS OUT THERE!!)
- Diuretic: Take a minute to think about this one…. Do you feel the scrutiating need to pee everytime you drink a beer? Well, ma darling, it has oats.
- Gets rid of cholesterol (when too high and too bad)
- Has a very complete combination of protein + It has seven of the nine essential amino acids for life.
- It stimulates the libido (HOORRAY!!): Your partner will curse the day you tried oatmilk…. S/he’l need a rest from time to time, yo.
So there you have it!!