1) Overindulge in the “Apertivo”. Sure, you’ll pay for an over-priced drink but you’ll get to eat ALL the food that fits in your mouth for free (technically).2) Under ANY circumstances should you pay for a gondola. It ain’t worth it. Come on sister, you can do better than a 40 year old italian, playing the accordion in a stripy blue-white shirt.
3) Eat home-made gnocchis. You might not know any italian mammas around, so break into a house (any house) and eat all the leftover pasta they have in the fridge. You may be fined, commited, hell, even sued but at least you can say you’ve eaten REAL pasta.
4) Party the italian style. Show a bit of leg, do some eyelash batting and -before you can say Great Gatsby- you’ve got an italian Leonardo Dicaprio wannabe dancing the conga to your feet.
5) Italy might have the pasta, the fashion, the looks and the sexy accent that ends every single word with “-uh” (eg; in New York-uh i bawt a Prada bag-uh wis ze pink-uh riban.. You know?)* but they also know chocolate…. Nutella? Ferrero Rocher? Hello, are you human? So do us a favour and try their “Bicerin”.
(*ok, that was a lame italian accent. It sounded more like Angela Merkel talking Prada bags whilst drunk on her fifth glass of Vodka….)
6) You MUST go to Peggy Guggenheim’s Foundation. Go in, walk by or buy some shitty souvenir from the giftshop. Hell cares… JUST GO! Oh, and say hi to the little boy with the great big penis for me.
*Aha! Now you sure wanna go….
7) Do some tweriking/fish face/dance the funky chicken in a famous monument. You’ll feel good about your self. The surrounding spectators might be alarmed, though.
8) You’re in italy (you probably won’t go again unless you’re some sort of Beyonce) so eat everything you can put your hands on. Be it pasta, pizza, ice-cream or chocolate… Who cares?? You’ve got the gym awaiting, back home.
9) Don’t fall for ANY gelatto…. (Some of them are plain over-priced frozen shit). Ask the locals where to get the real deal.
10) You should stick to the tourist plan for a while… Do some sightseeing (or boy-seeing, mind you).
Now get the first low-cost ticket internet can offer and get the hell out of here!!!